Close to You

Trailer.

Available Summary:

Sam (Elliot Page) hasn't been home since his transition. After four years in Toronto, he takes a long-dreaded trip back to his hometown for his father's birthday.

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Jack's Summary:

Like many other romance/drama movies, this film does not hesitate to establish its main male character as being desirable and hunky, lingering on Sam as he stands shirtless beside a window. It feels gratuitous, but I really don't mind! The camera treats Sam the same way cis male heartthrobs have been treated in countless romance films and shows. Good stuff.

Moving on...

After this, the film quickly becomes serious, and Sam seems utterly sapped of energy. He sits down to have breakfast with his roommate, telling her about his plans to reunite with his family. He remains subdued and anxious until, on the train to his hometown, he reunites with Katherine, his former best friend. For the first time in the film, we see a spark. It is clear that he loves her romantically and Katherine, despite being married with children, still has feelings for him as well. Their conversation, like Sam's discussion with his roommate, feels very realistic.

While Katherine is initially at ease with Sam, she is shaken out of this familiarity when the train arrives at her stop, and she is reminded of how much things have changed since the pair knew each other. Sam invites her out for coffee, but she becomes upset and refuses, saying, "My life is completely different now," unable to reconcile her continuing affection for Sam with her marriage to another man.

Sam goes to his family's house after this, and the film remains consistent in being utterly, uncomfortably relatable for me, but I'm not complaining in the slightest. It is awkward, earnest, complicated, affectionate, and heavy. I have rarely seen a trans man's reunion with his family depicted this realistically.

Sam's mother loves him and is trying her hardest, crying when she accidentally misgenders him. Sam responds with kindness while also obviously exhausted by the interaction, and by having to deprioritise his dysphoria. These are the early days of a family's transition into accepting his transition, and it is very tricky. Beyond his immediate family, he also has to deal with Paul, the fiancé of his sister Meg, who is outright hostile and feels entitled to bully Sam.

After Sam looks at his childhood photos, he takes a break from the overwhelming atmosphere to go for a stroll on his own. He is about to go into a coffee shop, but sees that Katherine is working there; remembering what she said, he walks away, but she runs after him. He is overjoyed when, to his surprise, she suggests that they take a walk together.

Returning to his home, Sam sits with his mother. In a very beautiful scene, she continues to cry and reveals that she is frustrated with herself for how she still sees Sam, torn between that familiarity and wanting to affirm his identity. She loves him, but has not gotten to know him as Sam yet. "I still think of you as my little girl," she explains, "And I keep calling you 'her'. It's... It just gets me every time. I just can't... I just want you to be happy. I just want you to be happy, and then I go and do that all the time, and I think, of all people... Your mother should..." Sam, while he is clearly uncomfortable, lovingly says, "I feel very supported by you, okay? I mean," he adds with a smile, "you've known me for a little while."

I really, really loved how this film portrays this complexity. In the early days, it can be hard. Provided you do not have abusive family members (which is a whole other issue), there may be mistakes which are clumsy, and which make you incredibly dysphoric, but are not malicious at all. There may be an unfortunate amount of pressure on you to respond gracefully to those mistakes, regardless of how dysphoric they make you, and make space for other people's distress. It is a tiring, complicated stage of a person's transition, and the actors portray this situation incredibly well.

Sam's scene with his father, following this conversation with his mother, is also incredible. His father admits how frightened he was by Sam's declining mental health and suicidal ideation, and how overjoyed he was to eventually learn that Sam was happier, hardly even processing that Sam was transitioning because he was so focused on that sense of relief.

In a series of events which are, again, terribly realistic and also very moving for me personally, a fight erupts in the family home and Sam ultimately leaves. Sam's sister, Meg, has given her fiancé resources to help him understand Sam's journey, and has spoken with him about affirming who Sam is. This, evidently, has made Paul very angry. He questions whether Sam would be his brother-in-law or something else and whether he can refer to Sam by his deadname, yelling about the "rules" he must "obey". Desperate to keep Sam close and diffuse the tension, Sam's mother and father insist that Sam should stay and Paul should offer an insincere apology to make it all better.

Sam, up until this point in the film, has shown incredible maturity by acknowledging the good intent of others, putting his dysphoria aside and allowing politeness and affection to take priority over his personal discomfort. However, he is under no obligation to play happy families with a verbally abusive asshole who is spoiling for a fight, so he leaves.

Sam's brother, Michael, chases him as he walks away. Rather than admonishing him for holding Paul accountable, or demanding that he return, he is relieved to see somebody stand up to Paul. "That was incredible," he says, "I'm so glad you said that. You're so smart, and- and, I'm... I want to be like you. Y'know? I'm really happy to see you. I love you."

After he is gone, Sam's father addresses the family, and Paul especially;

"That kid was in... so much pain before. Your mom and I were convinced we were gonna just find him dead one day in his room. And what he has done has made him happy again and it's made him want to live again. And I don't know why that is so hard for some people to understand because it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but Sam. That was Sam. That was Sam. It's that fuckin' simple. Today, I thought I got my son back... and then I lost him."

Sam and Katherine reunite, spending a night together. Like many infidelitous sex scenes involving star-crossed lovers who should not be together, it is tender, complicated, and beautiful.

Sam ends the film back in his own kitchen, drinking coffee. Bookending the movie this way, to me, sends the message that Sam's life is continuing as it was; he is secure in his gender identity and his transition, he has a complex but loving relationship with his family (Paul aside), and he is tired, but he will be okay.

All in all, I really liked this film. It was hard to sit through at times, because of how realistic it is, but that's not a complaint. I also liked that Katherine is deaf, played by deaf actress Hillary Baack. Her deafness is treated as an everyday trait, as is sign language, and I enjoyed that casual representation.