خستگی (Khastegi)

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Available Summary:

"Khastegi tells the story of seven Iranian transsexuals living in Tehran." -Wikipedia.

Jack's Summary:

This indie movie predominantly features trans women, but there is also one trans man, named Shayan. The film's actors are trans themselves, and apparently the director Bahman Motamedian struggled to find trans men who were willing to act in the movie. Discussing the film, Motamedian explained, "Right up to the day of shooting, I hadn't found a suitable character to play that role... As it is a very masculine and male-oriented society, revealing they are not a ‘real’ male has real problems". Though he considered cutting the role completely, he did find a suitable actor at the last second. I think that Shayan is played by Iranian actor Bahare Ghavibal, but information is limited, potentially to protect actors' identities. Khastegi was not shown in Iran and was made without official Iranian permission.

Shayan is introduced sitting on a park bench with his girlfriend, listening as she speaks on the phone. Once the call ends, he demands to know who she was speaking to, establishing his nature as a jealous and insecure boyfriend. We find out that Shayan is a trans man when he sneaks away to put on a hijab and matching black clothing over his male attire. When he gets home, his mother yells at him, demanding to know where he has been and admonishing him for acting like a boy, saying that a "decent girl" would not stay out so late.

Shayan is then shown working as a receptionist, presenting as a woman. He is given a bunch of red flowers by his coworker for Women's Day, which clearly frustrates him. When he later tries to buy a motorcycle, the seller is reluctant to sell to him on the basis that a woman is unlikely to get a license for a motorbike. Annoyed, Shayan snaps, "It makes no difference if she can or cannot! Buying a bike isn't a crime, is it?" It is apparent that the majority of Shayan's life is governed by strict gender roles which prevent him from being his true self, making him feel trapped and angry, giving context to the machismo he emphasises when he is able to present as a man.

In Shayan's next scene, he is lurking on the street, watching as his sister walks with a man. When the pair come near him, he jumps out and grabs the man, insisting that he stay away from his sister. By way of explanation, when his sister is justifiably pissed off by his behaviour, he says, "I don't like to see you with these pricks." His sister reasonably insists that her dating choices are none of his business, criticising his behaviour, but then proceeds to attack his very identity. "You're sick," she says, "All your boyish mannerisms are because you're sick. Do you know what others say about you? They say you like to be a boy because boys inherit twice as much as girls. But I know why. You like to be a boy because you're so ugly. You like to be a boy because nobody would fall in love with you." Shayan reacts impulsively, slapping her cheek. She walks away, and he watches her go with an upset expression.

At work again, Shayan asks a man if he can borrow his motorcycle. The man asks, "Now?" Amusingly, Shayan replies, "Of course! When did you think? Next year?" The man agrees, and Shayan, still wearing his hijab and female attire, rides the bike down the street. Shayan's boss sees him and confronts him at work. "I won't ride a bike anymore," Shayan concedes, but his boss clarifies that the real issue is Shayan acting and presenting like a man. "You don't do make-up and you don't look pretty," the boss says, "We need ladies to work here. Do you understand?" Furious, Shayan curses his boss and quits on the spot.

At home, Shayan performs the salah. A female relative interrupts him, coldly saying, "All the prayers that you said without a veil are worthless." He sits on the floor, absorbing her words, clearly distressed. The film then cuts to a one-on-one interview with Shayan, where he is directly addressing the viewer. "I always have to prove myself to others," he says, "I get so upset when they ask me why I like to be a man. Then I want to shout that I want to be myself. I want to live in comfort. I like to be myself, just myself."

Shayan is shown with his girlfriend again. She asks whether he wants to undergo transition surgeries, but he says that he doesn't, citing physical pain and the financial cost as reasons. He says that he would rather buy a car and work as a driver, prompting his girlfriend to complain that he is not considering her feelings enough. She then asks him for advice, saying that her sister in Holland and her brother in Afghanistan are both willing to take her in, but she is "stuck" in Iran because of him. "You have to tell me what to do," she says. "It's obvious what you should do," he responds, "Go wherever you like and do whatever you like!" Unsatisfied with this answer, she breaks up with him.

Shayan asks a trans male friend (who has finished transitioning) for help, saying that he needs to buy a car to make a living, but can't currently afford it. His friend is reluctant to even speak with Shayan, because his wife doesn't want him around other women, and she views Shayan as a woman since he has not medically transitioned. Though the pair argue and Shayan starts to walk away, it is implied that his friend gives him money regardless. In Shayan's next scene, he is working as a taxi driver, presenting male and not wearing a veil. His aggressive manner and frustration is unchanged, resulting in a tussle with another taxi driver.

Shayan sleeps in his taxi cab rather than his family home, and is woken one morning by a phone call from his mother, who has arranged a marriage for him. He refuses the marriage, telling his mother not to arrange any other pairings in the future. After hanging up on her, he finds the man he has been paired with, chasing him down and threatening him with violence if he insists on the marriage. After revealing that he is the man's proposed wife, Shayan says, "Next time you're gonna marry someone, you better see her first! Get outta here!"

The film cuts to another interview scene. Shayan lists the excuses he has to provide when people ask about his gender non-conformity, because he cannot tell people that he is a trans man. To explain his short hair, he says that he feels too hot with long hair. To explain why he doesn't wear make-up, he says that he has sensitive skin. To explain why he does male activities, he says that he is a feminist. To explain why he plays physically-intensive sports, he says that they are good for his health. Every aspect of his life and gender presentation are constantly being scrutinised, and he feels trapped.

The arranged marriage was, apparently, the final straw for Shayan. He packs a suitcase of clothes and leaves home. His mother yells at him, asking, "What should we do if the police arrest you? Why don't you wear a veil outside?" Now homeless, Shayan works as a taxi driver and sleeps in his car permanently, having nowhere else to live. He is woken, one night, by an unnamed man who addresses him as "Mr. Shayan". When Shayan rolls down his window, the man asks if he is okay, and passes him a bowl of food. Shayan has almost nothing, but he has autonomy and can live as his true self, with this moment of kindness offering viewers a moment of hope.

Shayan appears twice more. In his penultimate scene, he addresses the viewer once more, talking about true love and explaining that he has been unable to find it thus far. His last scene shows him being stopped by an officer who demands his driving license, refusing to explain why or say what Shayan has done wrong. After finding out that Shayan is legally a woman, the officer asks why he is not wearing a veil. Shayan says that he will explain after the official hands his license back, but the official continues to aggressively question him, demanding to know why he is not wearing a veil. Frustrated, Shayan yells, "Okay, keep it then!" He drives away, fleeing in his car. It is an ominous ending for him, since he now faces arrest

While this film avoids the more extreme experiences that trans men face regardless of the country that they live in (rape, conversion therapy, et cetera), it is still made abundantly clear that Shayan is immensely struggling. Given that, it is ironic when a trans woman monologues about trans men having it easy, claiming that FTMs do not face discrimination whereas trans women do. "If you're a girl and you like to be like a boy, everybody supports you because of your strong character. Then it's all praise and clapping," she complains. Oh, do I wish that were true!

Overall, I really liked this film. It's really frustrating that I'd never heard of it until researching trans male media for this website. It's freely available online, it was made in the early-2000s, and it features a bunch of trans actors in trans roles. I can't help but think that, if this had been made in the U.S.A. and featured a large cast of American actors, it would be more widely appreciated... and even praised as groundbreaking.

WARNING: There are confronting themes throughout this film. These include suicide, domestic violence, abduction, hate crimes, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, harassment, deadnaming, and misgendering.