Transgender Parents

Watch.

Available Summary:

"This is a film about love, life and kids after a gender transition. It shares the struggles and strengths of several trans women and trans men navigating different stages of parenting: from pregnancy, through raising infants, toddlers and teenagers." -Vimeo.

Jack's Summary:

This is a really good documentary that I highly recommend watching.

There are three trans male interviewees, two of whom are men of colour (Syrus and Nik) who both transitioned before having a child together. In fact, Syrus stopped using testosterone in order to carry the couple's baby. The third trans man in this film is Hershel, who is not a man of colour, and who transitioned after already raising a son. Because of these men's differing circumstances, their experiences are naturally very different, and this documentary does a great job of letting these men tell their own stories.

The complexities of navigating the world as trans parents are properly and sensitively explored. Nik tears up as he describes the struggle of being invalidated because he isn't his daughter's biological parent. Syrus expresses frustration at being read as a mother, whereas Nik is often read as a father when they're out in public together. Syrus discusses the dysphoria and loss involved with ceasing hormone replacement therapy in order to have a child, all the while emphasising how important it was for him to carry their pregnancy.

Beyond gender-related issues, Syrus discusses the assumptions which are projected onto him and his husband, because they are men of colour raising a child who is lighter-skinned. He compares these assumptions with comments which were directed at his mother (a lighter-skinned woman raising a darker-skinned child) and points out the resulting double standards which betray racist worldviews; namely, that he must be a nanny looking after someone else's child.

Hershel, who transitioned when he was older, is interviewed alongside an adult son who still calls his father "mother" and switches between she/her and he/him, depending whether he's referencing the past or the present. This is something that Hershel does not seem to mind, despite repeatedly saying that he doesn't feel like a mother at all. Their interviews are very gentle, sweet, and mature.

The interviews with Aiyyana (a Native American trans woman) and her adult son are similarly lovely, and perhaps even more so, with her son Jaret intelligently reflecting on his past ignorance and showing great acceptance. "I thought about it, and there's no change other than the physical change, which is immaterial, really," he says, "Nothing has changed. My parent is still my parent, she's my mom... I raised my kids to know their grandma."

The documentary ranges from heartwarming to pretty damn sad. Stefonknee, a White American trans woman, talks about completely losing her family and community because she came out at age 46, leading to homelessness and suicide and exclusion from her own father's funeral. Meanwhile, Jenna (a young White American trans woman) and Eby (who is pregnant with Jenna's baby) discuss their relationship and lives together, all with the support of Jenna's father. This documentary absolutely shows that no two trans stories are the same.

The only downside to purchasing and watching this documentary on Vimeo is that, while the trailer is 720p, the documentary plays at 360p and includes several extra minutes of blank/grey screen. It almost seems like the filmmakers uploaded the wrong file. But the whole film is accessible, the interviews are still incredibly touching, and I don't regret my purchase.