What Am I?

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Available Summary:

Years before the Gender Recognition Act of 2004 enabled transgender people to obtain some basic rights, the practical difficulties faced by those wishing to change the sex assigned to them at birth were explored in this film... Touching and sometimes frank, the film looks at issues around acceptance. There are also moments of humour, such as Steve's bad luck when bumping into his mother on his first night out presenting as male.

April Ashley, who features in the film while living in Hay on Wye in Herefordshire, was at the centre of a newspaper storm in the early sixties when she married Arthur Corbett, 3rd Baron Rowallan. Their marriage was annulled in 1970 on the grounds that Ashley was born male, despite Corbett knowing this when they were wed. Another significant figure to appear in the film is Judy Cousins, who was running a self-help organisation called SHAFT in 1980. She was a noted sculptor and served with the British Army in India.

-BFI Player.

Jack's Summary:

Part One:

This documentary is, naturally, the product of its time. The language and beliefs around transsexual men and women might be very different to what you have encountered in modern-day dialogue. It certainly has value though, as it addresses employment, religious, neighbourhood, and marriage discrimination against transsexuals, and explores the medical needs of such people. It's something of a time capsule.

The narrator, and several of the professionals interviewed, pair judgement of transsexuals with genuine compassion for the struggle which gender dysphoric individuals face, which is quite a fascinating balance. "To be eligible for an operation, you must fulfil at least three conditions," the narrator explains, "You must crossdress, wear the clothes, and play the opposite sex for at least two years, get divorced if previously married, and convince specialist assessors during long and harrowing consultations that you really mean what you say."

One of the doctors, while she provides now-outdated information about trans men being unable to have intercourse post-op, advocates for bottom surgery if it will allow trans men to feel more comfortable. She recommends that bottom surgeries be accessible through the health system. This same doctor notes with some sadness that transsexuals seeking medical care are often "sent straight into the local mental hospital, unfortunately". Referring to a trans woman named Judy Cousins, who transitioned at an older age, the doctor shows great affection, saying, "Certainly, Judy herself impresses me very much. She made a very late change of role. She has the three things that people need in this situation; she has courage, integrity, and a sense of humour."

Steve, the only trans man interviewed by the filmmakers, briefly references unsafe chest binding and bottom surgery which he cannot afford, and recalls a lovely experience from his early transition. Speaking about his job as a technician, Steve says, "It was in that job that I changed over and started living full-time as a man, in the middle of the job. It was quite amusing. I basically left work and had a fortnight's holiday, and the first day I was away, it was explained to everybody else by my boss that Jackie was going to come back as Steven! And they had a fortnight in which to practice, "Hi, Steve!" And he collected me for work when I was coming back, because he knew damn well otherwise I'd be so frightened, I just simply wouldn't make it."

Steve also talks about the first time he presented as a man in public. "When I first went out crossdressed... It was in the days when I'd been on the gay scene. I was a lesbian," Steve clarifies, "I explained to a lot of my lesbian friends that, really, I didn't fit in, and the truth of the matter is that I wanted to be a bloke. Some were quite hostile to it... But a few sort of said, well, you must do what you want to do, and they raided their own wardrobes for various bits of clothing from their old old butch days... I went out into Manchester wearing a jacket and a tie... I walked into this pub... up to the bar, and was about to drink my drink when I looked back, and there was a lady perusing me quite closely, who happened to be my mother, who'd gone out that evening with some friends! At which point, I left the drink and vanished up the back stairs." Steve laughs about this, but then his smile dims as he seriously explains, "I don't know how one could describe the feeing of absolute terror in oneself. It's a feeling that all transsexuals go through."

All in all, I found the first part of this documentary to be a very valuable piece of history, though I wish more than one trans man had been included.

Part Two:

The second part of this documentary opens with a discussion of intersex babies. If you are intersex, and discussion about phallus size could distress you, proceed with caution. While neither the doctor nor the narrator advocate for medically unnecessary surgeries to "fix" ambiguous genitalia, genital variations are still judged to be abnormal and unfortunate, and these are precisely the mindsets which have caused so much pain to intersex people.

Moving on, while the language the narrator uses is undoubtedly stigmatising of sex diversity, the point is successfully made that trans identification is not the same as being born with innate sex variations... which is an important difference to be aware of, even nowadays, when far too many LGBT+ individuals lack a basic understanding of the experiences, human rights, and struggles of intersex people. Learn more here.

Following this, the narrator references new research in Germany, which apparently showed that transsexuals may have a "chemical imbalance," which might allow for "treatment without an operation". I have absolutely no idea what this is referring to.

The documentary then discusses clinics where trans men and women can receive medical care, including hormonal and surgical treatments. In a further example of stigmatising diverse sex characteristics, an interviewer asks a doctor, "Does it ever worry you, as a surgeon, that you are creating something that is neither totally male nor totally female?" The surgeon replies, "No. The criteria is that you want a happier patient after surgery than you had before... I think, if you achieve that, that's about as much as you can ask."

Another doctor offers a different view, suggesting that surgeries might not be best practice in the treatment of transsexuals. This view is supported by a trans woman named Elaine, who apparently ran an organisation called the Genetic Research Foundation, which investigated "other means to treat transsexuals". April Ashley, a well-known trans woman, criticises the medical establishment for being "indiscriminate" in approving trans surgeries, which she believed was motivated by a "tremendous thirst for medical knowledge".